Starting secondary school with autism and ADHD: A Mum’s perspective

September 5, 2025

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The first days back at school are full on for everyone, but they can be especially challenging for children with SEND and their families. At IQM, we are true experts in inclusion – not only through our professional work with schools across the UK and internationally, but also personally, as many of our team are parents of children with additional needs themselves.

This blog has been insightfully written by IQM’s Executive Lead for School Improvement, Sarah Linari, who shares her experience as a mother supporting her son with autism and ADHD through the huge transition from primary to secondary school.

Throughout the academic year, we’ll be sharing more parent perspectives through our blogs and social channels.

We know many educators are parents too, and these insights offer a valuable view from the “other side” – a parent’s voice that is often only heard when challenges escalate.

By sharing openly and honestly, we hope to bridge that gap and help schools understand and support families even better.

A parent’s perspective on secondary school transition for children with autism and ADHD

I hope the start of term this week has gone smoothly for you, whether you are a member of staff in a school, or a parent or carer.

This year has been one of the most intense ‘back to school’ Septembers in our house, as my 11-year-old son (who has a dual diagnosis of ADHD and autism) started secondary school.

Even though this transition has been carefully planned and supported, the reality of starting secondary school has, unsurprisingly, been emotionally intense for all of us.

He has gone from being in a nurturing, small village primary school where his additional needs were well supported, to an average-sized mainstream secondary school. That is a huge change for any Year 6 child, but especially for those with SEND.

It amuses me that all my professional experience and knowledge of supporting children with SEND never seems to work as effectively with my own children.

Summer holiday avoidance

After a positive experience attending the school’s enhanced ‘family transition programme’ in the summer term, my son refused to discuss the school start over the holidays.

He kept saying it wasn’t until September, quickly shutting down any conversation and becoming withdrawn. Autistic individuals often find it stressful to anticipate big changes and may avoid conversations that highlight uncertainty.

My son hates trying on uniforms (in fact, he hates uniforms full stop) and detests shoe shopping. So, I had to get him secondary-school-ready without involving him much.

With his sensory sensitivities, meaning trying various sizes and styles on, and his tendency to postpone facing reality, I had to just order what I thought was best and hope everything was the right fit! Postponing tasks, procrastination, or avoiding situations that feel overwhelming are common ADHD traits.

After being in denial all summer, his anxiety started to build as the weekend before term approached. The reality of starting secondary school hit him hard. His biggest fears: the bus and the lessons.

Facing fears: The school bus and lessons

For weeks, I had thought I would drop him off on his first day. But I realised that, with only Years 7 and 12 starting back on the first day, it would actually be better for him to take the bus while it was quieter. I wish I had thought of this sooner. Better late than never!

He started on Wednesday, so on Tuesday night, I took him to the bus depot to practise getting on, buying and scanning a ticket, sitting down, and pressing the bell to stop. The bus company manager was wonderful and even asked the driver to look out for my son.

This reassured us both, but my son was still very unsettled that evening. He couldn’t sleep for worrying about the bus and navigating a ‘real’ day at school.

• How do you get the bus to stop for you?
• What if I misplace my ticket?
• What will the other students on the bus be like?
• How will I know where to get off?

We live in a semi-rural village without a bus stop, so the driver agreed to pick him up outside our house. My son just had to ‘hail’ the bus (try explaining that idiom to an autistic child!).

Rehearsing the bus journey at the depot turned out to be an excellent idea, and I would highly recommend it to all parents of children with SEND who travel by school (or public) bus.

As you may know, rehearsing transitions and using visual or practical supports can really help autistic children navigate new situations.

He got on the bus successfully, and I threw myself into work for the day. But at the back of my mind, I was constantly wondering if he’d remembered where his form room was, or what his tutor was called.

The first experience of bus-gate was successful, and I was able to collect him at the end of the school day, which made the close of the first day smoother. He was becoming increasingly confident with the bus travel to school and didn’t even mention it on the third day.

He happily went to the end of the garden to wait for the bus. For the first time, I felt my shoulders relax. It was as if I was finally winning at life. That is…until the bus came!

My son confidently asked for a “return ticket” and handed over almost all the money (I had to prompt him to find the final pound coin in his pocket).

But then the bus driver informed me that there hadn’t been enough uptake on the service, and today was its final day. Three days into the term.

After all the preparation and organising to make sure the bus transition went smoothly, we are now in limbo, unsure how he’ll get to school from next week. And so, begins the latest cycle of ‘unknowns’.

The fear of the unknown: New lessons

His other big worries were linked to lessons. Despite using social stories and trying to talk through what lessons would be like, his anxiety remained high.

Like many autistic children, his brain craves a clear plan and routine, but here he was facing the complete unknown. Anxiety around unfamiliar routines, environments, and transitions is a very common autistic trait.

In English, he had to do group work and reported that it was “great” because he didn’t speak at all; the others in his group did all the work. Social communication differences, such as difficulty initiating peer interactions or a preference for solitary activities, are a core feature of autism.

The social demand of the day

At breaktime, he struggled to find someone to talk to, but said he was happy walking around on his own, eating his snack.

As a parent, it’s hard to hear that your child may have been socially isolated, but I try not to project my feelings onto him, since to him, this might not feel unusual.

The important thing was that he spoke positively about the day and was far less anxious than the day before, when more aspects were unknown.

He did lose his new water bottle (he used to leave it behind almost every day at primary), but now there are many more classrooms and spaces where it could be left. Forgetfulness and difficulty with organisation are typical ADHD characteristics.

As a rule-follower, the new routines and rules around being able to go to the toilet during lessons were a source of anxiety (as with many of the children, I’d suspect). Each day he has come home from school so far, he has been desperate for the toilet.

Sensory challenges with school uniform

On the second day, everything about the uniform was overwhelming. It was too tight, too loose, and itchy all at once.

When anxieties are high, his sensory sensitivities are heightened. Heightened sensory sensitivities (like discomfort with textures or clothing) are very common in autism.

I wished I could tell him to ditch the tie and wear jogging bottoms and Crocs instead! (I will have to wait for a complete overhaul of the secondary education system for that one.)

He is a typical autistic rule-follower and, as such, is determined to be in the correct uniform and arrive on time. The Year 7s had been told repeatedly by the teachers throughout day one that they would get detentions for not meeting expectations, and he takes that very seriously.

Having knowledge of how children with autism and ADHD process information and the potential executive functioning demands they will experience in times of unfamiliarity is something all schools should be aware of when supporting a smooth school transition.

I have been impressed with my son’s school’s willingness to be open to new ideas, and their inclusion-based approach is something that sold me on the school as a first choice.

As will all neurodiversity, every individual is different. This can be problematic for mainstream schools to meet their needs whilst getting to know them. I’m hopeful for a smoother week next week, even with the additional transport challenges ahead.

To fellow parents and educators

To all the parents and carers of children with SEND navigating the stresses of back to school, wishing your children and you the best of luck and positive vibes. It is normal for us to feel anxious.

Remember to seek support if you have any concerns, even if you are in the professional world of education and SEND. It is different when it is your own child!

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